Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Whole30: Day 12 (12/12/12)

Whole30, food blahblahblah....and now for something completely different... the spa! Oh yes...the fancy spa. Yesterday was my once yearly trip to the fancy spa for a massage and since the fancy spa only staffs resgistered massage therapists it's partly covered by insurance...SCORE!

 I love this place so much, it's so uber swanky. The first time I ever went here was for a couples massage with husbie when we had during a break in the tree planting season...it was amazing. I think this is the nicest spa in the whole city. Off the top of my head I can't think of a nicer one. It's in a swanky old hotel and it takes up the whole 10th floor. I have only ever gone for a massage but they have a full turkish style hamam spa thing which I would love to do (Mom...want to treat me when you are here?) They whole lobby looked like a Christmas Martha Stewart shoot barfed all over it...A.C the Christmas whoooor would have pooed herself.

Creepy all white Santa with a braided beard

Jewels decorating a tiny tree

The floor is all these light up tiles that change color...check out my haggard salt stained Uggs

A skylight...duh

I had to be mega stealthy with my camera. I couldn't believe how busy the spa was when I got there. After my massage which was done by a dude (big strong hands, awesome massage) I managed to get into the change area when there was no one else around so I snapped a bunch of picture before doing the steam room and having like 6 showers which is part of my ritual when I go there. I wanted to take a bunch of pictures before someone saw me and thought I was a mega creeper. I love all the white and silver and marble.

It's all decked out with cool new style sinks and faucets. I didn't get a pic of it but the showers have like 6 shower heads for a crazy rainforest effect which I love.

Everything you need, they provide it. Razors, hair product even disposable panties (full disclosure: I just free ball it....can a chick free ball it?) Need a tampon, take a tampon

The door to thermal suite

EXPERIENTIAL SHOWER! I thought it was "experimental" shower the first couple times I went...*facepalm* The shower is super awesome and it's right by the steam room so you can pop in and out of the shower when you get to steamy. I love the minty mist

Nautilus shell design on the floor of the cool shower. There are other larger showers with the rain forest heads but this is a single special shower.

The steam sauna. It's steamy and briney and awesome. I got my mega sweat on in there and there are neat fiber optic lights that change colors...Oooo fancy!

The view from the top. I love that you can see out and it's not totally reliant on artificial light

A bust! Swankiness at every turn

Happy me post-massage, pre-sauna and pre-shower with crazy hair.

 It's mandatory to have tasteful nudes at a spa right? Ooo la la

This set up was beside the creepy braided beard Santa. I love white and blue Christmas decorations elsewheres, not at my house.

The view down 10 floors....GOLD BALLOONS! Presence of camera strap here does not indicated drunkness as it did in the summer.

I didn't get a picture of it, but there is always free food to eat at the spa. Before I went into my massage it was this thin bread like cheese toast thing, raw cucumbers, cheese and some dried fruit which was probably not compliant. It was super easy to pass by those things....BUT as I was finished my massage they were putting out a different spread of free foods....motherfucking SUSHI! For real...free sushi at the fancy spa when I was there? This had to be some kind of test of wills. I walked by the spread slowly checking it out, sighed and kept walking. God is teasing me like he teased Moses...little did I know there would be an even bigger test in the lobby.

When I arrived before my massage the lobby was being set up for a big swanky Christmas party. I kind of had an idea of what was going to be set up on 2 massive banquet tables and I was proven right when I stepped off the elevator....A FUCKING MASSIVE CANDY BUFFET! This is just one side, 2 huge tables in an L shape...the other table in the top right had just as much candy.

The other half of the candy buffet, blurry picture because I was trying to be stealthy. I have never ever wanted candy as much as I did last night. I have already mentioned I am a recovering candy addict. I could have filled my pockets and no one would have said boo. Holy crappers I had to get out of there. I could literally smell the sugar as I was taking the pictures. Nothing could have been more tempting to me than a fucking free candy buffet AND a free sushi spread in the same afternoon.

I resisted and walked out still being 100% compliant (warning: begin rant)... no slips, no "I accidentally ate some shit because I wasn't mentally conscious enough to know that I have to read labels on everyfuckingthing" even tea, even salt, even vinegar. No technically compliant but still just snack foods like Lara bars have passed my lips. I am in the All or Nothing camp for the Whole30. It chaps my hide to hear about people slipping up EVEN ACCIDENTALLY and NOT starting again or eating prepackaged "technically" compliant foods. When I say I am 100% I am not fucking around. I have bought some shit and after rereading the label it is compliant but I still feel sketchy on it so I am not eating it until after. I bought bison pepperettes from the special meat store and just had a feeling on them.... so I set them aside, called the store 3 days later when it was open and was told POTATO STARCH was an ingredient. When it doubt KEEP IT OUT! Do not put shit in your mouth that you don't know or are sketchy on or if it doesn't have adequate labeling. Hell, try to eat as little shit as possible that requires labels.
I gave up my beloved fish oil pills even though I am certain all the non-medicinal ingredients are compliant. It is fucking all or nothing 100% compliance is just that 100%, no exceptions, no excuses. I don't want to be lumped in with the people that ate Lara bars that claim to be 100% compliant. This isn't an "I'm better than you" statement...this is a follow the fucking program the right way statement. Day 16 you find out your beloved spice mix/tea has non-compliants in them....START AGAIN learning from your previous mistakes. Don't want to restart on Day 14, 16, 21...fucking know what you are doing, don't half ass it and make excuses. Google is a magical thing....is __________ paleo/compliant? Don't eat food you didn't prepare and for sure don't trust that the person who made it knows that canola is a grain oil and oats are a grain. The average person doesn't know shit, this is YOUR Whole30, YOUR responsibility. We have been invited for Christmas dinner and you better fucking believe I am bringing a cooler bag full of all my own food. On Day 25 I will NOT "accidentally" be ingesting any non-compliants based on blind trust. The program is short and strict for a reason, most people can't hack it but it's for an fixed period with lots of good reasons and science behind it...end rant

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