Saturday, 19 January 2013

An epiphany, a dress and 3 tacos

I had an epiphany y'all! I have been having some weird GI issues since starting the paleo thing...some bloating, weird gurgling in my mid-back on the left side just under my ribs and ummmm tmi... strange poos (hey, we're all friends...what's a little BMs between friends, everyone poops!) Anyways! While researching some other unrelated internal funkiness that T.M has probably correctly diagnosed I stumbled upon some IBS web pages and then had a total A-HA moment! It appears that my body does not like to digest lettuce and other insoluble fiber. Seriously...a total light bulb moment. I eat 2 MASSIVE salads per day. I make them in my biggest mixing bowl that I used to make double batches of cookies in. It's a big freaking bowl. And since I'm lazy my salads are usually just lettuce and celery and maybe a bit of red or orange pepper. I was eating a head of lettuce a day to myself. That is a lot of lettuce yo! So I finally connected the dots after reading the IBS page. I knew broccoli made me farty which was fine because I love broccoli but the other GI pains were really starting to be, well...a pain!

I read and read about soluble and insoluble fiber (I'm soooooper exciting right?) and now I have embarked on a little insoluble elimination with an increase in my soluble fiber in addition to eating more cooked veggies. I usually eat raw veggies because I'm laaaaazy and cooking is just one more step in between me and the food when I am hungry. So far already today I have noticed a huge difference in the bloating and distention of abdomen (lessened of course!) which is great news since it means I'm right! But I love I will try to reintroduce them at a later date in probably smaller quantities than I eat now after I have pinned which insoluble fibers make me feel the crappiest PUN INTENDED!

Ok enough about poo and fiber and more about other things. K.P and I and her Mama went dress shopping! K.P is getting married at the end of the this year which of course requires a fancy dress. We headed to the froufrou dress store which was LET ME TELL YOU an experience. I shall preface this with the information that I did NOT wear a wedding dress when I got married. I wore a skirt I already owned, a plain white button up shirt (which I fit into again now!) and I was barefoot. Super minimal and exactly what I wanted so this dress thing is a totally foreign concept to me.

We went to the bridal shop and little did we know that they are the only wedding dress store open today because the Wonderful Wedding Show is this weekend (like a Bridezilla wedding trade show) this meant that the store was fucking packed! K.P wanted a "tea length" know...below the knee but showing some saucy ankle. When we finally got back to the changing room area her mom and I were shocked. There were about 4 brides trying on dresses (ugly dresses!). One chick was totally monopolizing the wall of mirrors and her bridesmaids (in more ugly dresses) were super cunty and rude. It was hard to keep my laughter and snide comments to I made them to K.P's mom who actually agreed with me on everything and were snickering like a bunch of mean girls. I also got to inform her mom of what "chicken cutlets" are and she remarked that some chick's dress "looked like a table cloth" BAHAHAHA her mom is pretty dang cool.

K.P tried on 6 dresses and one was a total surprise to all of us. It looked terrible on the hanger and in the catalouge but looked AMAZING on her. It was a mega shock to all of us but it was definitely "the one" pretty and flattering and juuuuuuust right. We got out of their in time and I made sure to tell the lady who helped us that I would blow my fucking brains out if I worked there. I think she thought I was worst "matron" of honor ever (fyi...I know it's maid of honor but K.P's mom said something about "matronly" and that was the running joke for the rest of the morning). When you find "the dress" at this store the tradition is to ring a hand bell really loudly. K.P didn't want to do it but we insisted and of course I snapped a picture of her looking sheepish while doing it...which OF COURSE I can't show you here...NO SPOILERS!

After we made it out of there with our limbs intact and having had our entertainment for the day we were ready for some food. I don't eat out, like at all unlike the average butter-flavoured Crisco eating American but I did want to check out a cool new taco joint that had great reviews. So off to the taco joint we went. I may have made an inappropriate taco joke or know...because I'm classy like that.

The place is called "Modern Taco Company"...I love the name! Check em out here TACO! I had checked out the menu prior so I had an idea of what I could and didn't want to eat. Yup, I am one of *those* people. You can order tacos in a lettuce leaf instead of a taco but they were confusingly out of lettuce. You can also order a "naked taco" which comes on a plate with a pile of rice...obviously a no go. The chick working there then tried to tell me that the *CORN* tortillas are hand made in store and gluten-free. Corn is still a grain chickiepoo! No matter. I said make em up like normal and I will deconstruct them on my own. They did however have Perrier in little bottles...score!

I perused the sauces while our order was being made. I love the atmosphere, the Mexican music, the fact that they didn't seemed phased by my "hold everything" request.

 Frank's and the Tobasco sauce were the only clean ones....everything else had corn something or other creepies in it

The 3 house made sauce...Salsa Verde, Tomato Chipotle and Mango Scotch Bonnet

Our order indicator

Oh yeah!

The food! These are K.P's tacos...I snagged a tiny taste of the avocado crema on the middle taco...DELISH!

My tacos...she called my order "for the one with allergies". I never said that but hey, they kindly left the sauces off of mine just in case. Thoughtful.

left to right: jerk chicken (pulled jerk chicken, caramelized pineapple and cilatro), smoked chorizo (crumbled chorizo, caramelized onions and cilantro) and carne asada Argentina (marinated grilled steak and caramelized onions). I deconstructed each taco so as not to eat the corn tortilla. The smoked chorizo was my fav! And I didn't even realize until now that I didn't order any guac!

K.P got some tacos to go for her finace so I packed up some sauces for him. They looked so cute in their little containers all stop light colors. FYI...the mango scotch bonnet was the best of the 3 and FRIGGIN' HATE mango so I skeptical but it was YUMMO! I will be headed here again with husbie.

And I finally found a coconut water I like (recall husbie and I trying 2 different waters over a month ago). When I was mega ill last week I sent husbie out in a snow storm to get me coconut water. This was the only coconut water that the chain grocery store we don't ever shop at had. It actually tastes like coconut not weird sweat and something else. This one is a winner if you can find it. It comes in pulp and pulp-free varieties.


Final thought: I am fucking LOVING Minaj on Idol! She is dead pan funny and I want to be BFFs with her so we can share wigs, she can recommend me her boobie dr and we can travel around with her thuggin' hottie man-tourage! Can someone make this happen please?


  1. As far as corn and gluten free, corn is a type of grain but it's from a different branch of the family than the gluten grains wheat, barley and rye. Corn contains a substance known as "corn gluten," which isn't the same gluten that bothers people with celiac disease and gluten sensitivity. So generally corn chips and other corn products are marketed towards gluten intolerances.. i know we used to say the same thing at Pops.

    minaj is totally funny! r u feeling better and ready for your hair show this week??

  2. My tummy gets that way when I eat spinach. I love spinach, but alas, my intestines do not.

    Salsa Verde is my favorite salsa... ever.

    Oh and TEAM MC on Idol.